So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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