Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
