I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
