so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
When are your genitals available?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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