I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
