Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
