i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
