I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
