"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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