and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
