Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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