I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
