I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
so let's talk penis.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
