weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
