She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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