Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
