Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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