I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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