Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
