So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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