sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
