I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Quick, to the slutcave!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
