the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
