He uses pillows to masturbate.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
