My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
