omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
