just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
bring money and cleavage
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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