Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
