And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The uberlube is also flammable
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
