I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
