Yo dont text me then not text me
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize