On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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