Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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