my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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