Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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