HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We are two peas in an std pod
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
did i walk over a car last night?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
