K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
