There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
