I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
