I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
