why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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