I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
