can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
