I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
