I didn't shave. On purpose
The best revenge is premature balding
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
