had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
