I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
