This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
