Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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