Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
