I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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