Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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