people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
