Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize