theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
