My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
