I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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