the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
