Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
