The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
