yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
