he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
