Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
