I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
