I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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