the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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