I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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